Good bye 2015

Wow!  It's been quite a year.  It started off in grief and is ending in excitement.  Not much longer before we meet our sweet Emerson.  Hoping she stays put until at least 36 weeks.

31+1 - UTI

I have my first ever UTI.  So miserable.  It started a couple days ago with the pressure to pee and not much happening.  That was bad enough, but the burning kicked in last night.  I hardly slept.

Call my doctor this am and they called in an antibiotic for me.  Between that and diluted cranberry juice, I'm starting to feel better.  Still have the pressure but the burning is gone.

Left a sample at the lab, so we will know for sure in a few days.  Thankfully, my OB didn't make me wait for those results before treating.  I was ready to kill myself.

30 + 2

Yay!  Follow up appointment with OB today and my BP was 137/79.  Perfect!  Emerson's fetal heart rate was 154.

No hospital admit for me.  Next appointment is January 4th.  I start twice/week NST.

Next milestone is 32 weeks.

Back in the hospital for me...

Had my routine appointment yesterday, at 29 + 5 and my bp was very high - 173/110.  It wouldn't come down so I was sent to L&D for another admit.

Course of action was miserable, but successful...

• Magnesium drip for 16 hours to prevent stroke / seizure
• IV fluids
• Labetalol IV
• Strict bed rest (with catheter - yuck)
• 24 hour urine collection
• 24 hour monitoring of Emerson (she's perfect)

Results of my urine test were 215, so less than last time and still no pre-e.  They have added labetalol, 100mg twice/daily, to my protocol and I'm hoping it works.  Getting discharged now.

Back to the OB on 12/22 for a check in.  Praying my BP is under control.

29 + 4 and still no pre e

Today I am 29 + 4 and my blood pressure is staying stable and I have no symptoms of preeclampsia.  So happy for everyday that I stay pregnant.  Made it past 28 weeks, which was my bronze medal.

Dr London says I get a gold medal at 34 weeks, but I'm hoping to make it to 36+ weeks. Fingers and toes are crossed.

24 Hour Hospital Admit - Preeclampsia Watch Begins

Went to my normal MFM appointment yesterday and my BP was high.  179/93 at its lowest.  I attributed it to being stressed out and having an u/s in the same room where I got the Potters dx for Jude and having a new u/s tech that didn't tell me anything, but Dr Cazan admitted me to the hospital for a 24 period.

So, I am here in L&D doing a 24 hour urine catch and having my bp monitored.  It's back down to where it usually lives (of course) and I am feeling like Dr Cazan overreacted, especially since my blood work has come back normal, but if its best for Emerson for me to be here, then its worth it.  We did a BPP u/s and she got a perfect score 8/8, so she is not in any sort of distress.  She also weighs 2lb 15oz and is in the 65th percentile.  Since I will probably deliver early, its awesome that she is bigger than average.  She was taking practice breaths on the BPP, which is great at 28 weeks.

Going home tonight after I get the last steroid shot to help Em's lungs, should we need to deliver in the next three weeks.

ETA:  Urine came back at 267 - no pre e.  Thank god!  Going home soon.  Next milestone is 32 weeks.  Silver medal.

Went Public

Decided to throw caution to the wind and go "public" on Facebook this past Thanksgiving.  Emerson is much loved and deserves to be celebrated.  Of course, people were surprised.  :)

Now, my only job, besides getting the house ready for her and buying all the stuff she will need, is to keep her in there for at least another 8 weeks.

Here we are at 27+1 today.

26+3

Had an appointment 2 days ago and they rechecked my cervix.  It was 3.2 cm.  So...  either the measurement was bad at the last one, or because I was so dehydrated, it appeared shorter.  Either way, I am happy and a little less worried.

26 weeks + 3 days today.  I definitely look pregnant and not fat.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.  I have a lot to be thankful for this year.

First visit to L&D

Had a routine appointment yesterday with my MFM.  I haven't been feeling well the last 24 hours, had a pounding headache and didn't want to eat/drink, so I was glad to be seeing her.  The appointment became a bit of a blur..

First Part
Emerson measures on track and perfect.  She's 1lb10z and in the 53rd percentile.
Amniotic fluid is more than on track and perfect.
Fetal heart rate is 148bpm, which is about where she stays.

then...

Second Part
My urine showed dehydration.
My bp was higher than normal.
My cervix, which typically measures 2.9cm was only measuring 2.0cm.
They did a swab for FFN and results were going to take 4 hours.

So, they hooked me up to the fetal monitor and Emerson was sounding great and it didn't show I was having contractions.  But, because I was not feeling well and totally dehydrated, they sent me over to Sparrow Hospital to Labor & Delivery.

Once at Sparrow, they determined I wasn't having contractions, they pumped IV fluid into me, got the results back on the FFN (negative) and then sent me home with indochin and told me to take progesterone every night.

Fingers crossed this isn't an indication of preterm labor or a Hospital Best Rest in my future.

Viability +1

Yesterday, I reached 24 weeks pregnant.  This is a major milestone because it means that Emerson is viable outside of the womb and were something to happen where I had to deliver her, the doctors would work to save her and she has a 40% to 70% chance of survival.  Those odds will improve everyday.

Today, I am 24 weeks + 1 day.  This is the most pregnant I have ever been, as I delivered Jude at exactly 24 weeks.

I'm hoping that I soon connect more with this pregnancy.  It's so hard after what we went through.  But, Emerson deserves it and I'm committed to bonding with her.  I already love her so much.  Except when she kicks my bladder.  :)

Nursery in Progress

Brian painted the nursery this weekend and I LOVE the color.  It's a bright, cheery Coral and I can't wait to get the rest of the room set up.

After 5 years of trying to have a baby and 6 losses, its hard to believe we are prepping a nursery.  I just sat in the room and cried.

Healthy Baby!

Had the fetal echo today and am happy to say that no abnormalities were found, including no VSD.

So happy!  Hoping that everything goes smoothly for the next 17 weeks or so.

Anatomy Scan

Anatomy scan at 20+4 came out clear, everything looked good, with one possible exception...  there *might* be a VSD in Emerson's heart.

A VSD is a small hole in the septum.  Dr Cazan made me promise not to freak out.  She said that she's not even sure there is one and even if there is, its not unusual and usually closes on its own before birth or shortly after.  She has referred me to a specialist who will hopefully be able to get a better look.  Emerson was not cooperating during the anatomy scan and did not get into a position where Dr. Cazan's equipment could get a really good look at the septum.

I'm trying my best to stay positive.  It's not a life threatening dx, even if true.  Luckily, my appointment with the specialist is on 10.28, so not much longer to wait.

Fingers and toes crossed.

It's a Girl!

And she has both kidneys. I'm still spinning and it's all setting in. 

Introducing Emerson Frances...

NT Scan Results

Had my NT scan yesterday. Baby would not get off its stomach. We tried everything - full bladder, empty bladder, laying on my left side, laying on my right side, walking around for a while. Nothing helped.

So, they could not get the nasal bone view. The neck fold measures "very thin".   Growth is 4 days ahead of my 12+4. Heart rate of 169. My MFM is very happy.

Early anatomy scan in 4 weeks.

Measuring Ahead

11 + 3 today, measuring at 12 weeks. Heart rate of 167. Posterior placenta, which means I will feel kicks. Yay!

NT Scan next week. 

So grateful that even though my personal life is a mess, more on that later, this baby is thriving. 

Stepping down Prednisone

This weekend I start stepping down the prednisone.  I'm very happy about this.  Maybe I will lose the moonpie face.  :)

My steps are:

Current dose is 20mg/day

9 Weeks - 17.5mg

9+6 - 15mg

10+3 - 12.5mg

11+1 - 10mg

12 weeks - 5mg

13 weeks - 5mg EOD

14 weeks - off


So, it's a slow process.

I will also stop the E2V at 12 weeks.  Cannot wait!

Around 12 weeks, I will start weening off the progesterone too.  

8+2

Heart rate of 168 and measuring perfectly on track. 

Time for something good to happen in my life. I hope this is it. 

HB of 118

Measuring on track. Yay!

12,510

Had my hcg drawn last night in advance of today's appointment.  It is 12,510.  Which is a doubling time of 45 hours and right on track.

Hope that means good things at today's appointment.  Hope we see a heartbeat and a baby measuring right on track.  I think there is 1 in there.  Let's hope I'm right.

6 Weeks

Viability scan on Tuesday. So nervous. 

19dp5dt

17dp5dt

❤️

First Ultrasound scheduled for July 7th

I will be 6+2, so hopefully, there is enough to see.  I'm not testing anymore between now and then.  Too stressful.

HCG of 152.9, P4 of 31.46

Yay!  doubling time of 33.7 hours.  Perfect.

Waiting to hear back from Dr. London to schedule a viability u/s.

Hcg of 57, P4 of 50

10dp5dt. I thought it would be higher. My tests are pretty dark. 

Another redraw on Wednesday. 

7dp5dt

Still getting a bfp, which makes me happy. 

I hate the new FRER's.  

6dp5dt

Still getting a bfp. Here is the dollar tree.  Testing is stressing me out, so I am going to try to take a break until Sunday. 

Please be my rainbow. 

BFP 5dp5dt!

Please stick. <3

PUPO! Again.

Here they are!  HEDD of February 28, 2016. 

Onward...

My chemical pregnancy (#4 for those counting, 6th loss overall) has quickly resolved itself.  I'm starting a new FET cycle tonight, with an estimated FET on June 12th.

Please let this work.  I'm exhausted from trying.

Still in limbo

Beta was 25 today. I know it's a chemical. One more draw on Thursday. 

This mornings test. So dark for 25. Crazy. 

Limbo - 12dp5dt

This mornings test is considerably darker than before. 

Welcome to limbo. Going tomorrow for a repeat beta. Not holding out any hope but staying on my meds, just in case. 

Please let me be the exception to the rule. 

Chemical...

Just had my beta at 9dp5dt and it was a 10.  That means its a chemical pregnancy.  They are going to want to follow it to <5, but hopefully that will be by Monday or Tuesday.

Waiting on the RE to call.  I am going to go right into another FET cycle - hoping I can do lupron right away instead of bcp.  I don't really understand the point of the bcp.

I am not meant to have a January baby.

Babies on Board

Today was a long day. I am officially PUPO. 

Maia was at the transfer with me and it was awesome. My mom was there too. Great feminine energy. 

My progesterone is low like I knew it would be so I'm taking an additional 500mg of promethium. 

EDD 01.15.16

FET scheduled for April 29th at 11:15am. 

Transferring 3. Please let this work. 

Wish me luck

This morning I have my lining check ultrasound and blood work. 

Hopefully, everything comes back good and I am scheduled for my FET on April 29th. 

Drugs!

We are in the thick of it now.  

Neupogen - 30mcg daily 

Prednisone - 10mg daily

Lupron - 5 units daily

Estradiol Valerate - ,5 cc every three days

Plus

Baby aspirin

Prenatal vitamin

Labetalol 

Folgate 

Vitamin DF

Metformim

Lining check on the 24th.  Hoping to transfer on the 29th. 

Not sure how many to transfer. Thinking 3. 

Start your engines.

Started Lupron today. Here we go. Hopefully for the last time. 

Expected transfer between April 29th to May 1st. 

Consents Received!

Signing our FET consents today. I will send them in tomorrow and then the babysicles will be transferred into my name. 

I should have my FET calendar next week. Hoping to transfer in April because May pregnancies haven't been kind to me, but I fear it will be the first week of May again. 

Down the hatch!

Birth control pills start today. 

And it's Girl Scout cookie time. :)

Third time is the charm?

We are trying again for our take home baby. While we didn't have any embryos left from those that Kayla and Asa gave us, we have been so lucky to have been given ten babysicles from Maia and Evan. It's so unbelievable that they have chosen us. I really feel confident our rainbow is coming.

We are still getting through the official stuff to get the embryos in my names but in the meantime, my period started yesterday and I'm going to start bcp on cd3 so that we can manage my cycle for transfer more easily.  

We are going to use CNY in Syracuse, which is where the babysicles are located. It's a 8 hour drive for the transfer and will be a fun road trip. 

Trying to decide if we will transfer two or three. Thankful we have that choice to make. 

I miss Jude everyday, especially knowing he should be here with us, but I will hold him in my heart forever. 

What could have been...

Our anatomy scan did not go well - our sweet boy was diagnosed with Potters Sequence, a fatal diagnosis that is non compatible with life. 

At 4:00pm on October 11, 2014, our sweet baby boy Jude was born sleeping. 

This is the week we were supposed to be welcoming him to the world. It's a very melancholy time for us. 

We have a plan for the next step. That is all we can ask for right now.